心声

这一次是自我开始使用微博以来首次使用华语来更新我的微博。这次我要更新的是我要把我心里所有的话把它说出来。其实我心里有很多很多的话要找人谈一谈或诉诉苦，可惜每次当我要找一位朋友诉苦时我才发现我既然找不到一位朋友来诉苦。我一直在想到底这是我的问题吗？是不是我对我身边的朋友缺发信任？还是我身边的朋友不够了解我？ 有时候，我自己真的觉得自己很失败我既然找不到一个值得我信任或了解我的朋友。

除此之外，我发觉我自己渐渐开始失去勇气。我开始失去的勇气是爱情的勇气，我自己不知道我这是不是真的喜欢她。回想当初，我不知道我哪来的勇气来跟她告白甚至告诉她我会在她在STPM 后开始追她。虽然，她在第二天发讯息告诉我说只能更我做好朋友当时我还没有觉得很伤心。一直到当我知道她开始尝试跟我其中一位朋友拍拖时，我心里突然感觉到非常不舒服。后来，当我确定她没有正式的跟我朋友开始时我真的感到开心。但是我既然从那时开始没有勇气跟她通讯息，我只会在有重要事情时才会发讯息找她。我也只会在每一次去教堂时特别的去注意她。

接下来我要分享我在我教会参加组织 特别是圣母军时遇到的问题。 我今年大学毕业后重新回归圣母军时，我发现圣母军里的兄弟们特别注重我过去圣母军辉煌的日子。这一点是我这次回来最不想他们注重的东西。今年七月份时，他们告诉我他们决定让我接任支团秘书；那时我决定接任是因为支团里缺乏团员和我觉得是时候我应该为圣母军服务的时候。同时，我也想我接任秘书后应该不会在短期内再升任任何职位了。嗨，“人算不如天算”这句谚语既然在我身上应验了。在上个星期日区团会议时，区团团长直接就委任了我兼任圣体军助理导师。那时我真的不知道是否要接受该任务，因为我根本没有心理准备去接任该职位。同时，我已经打算好了明年继续深造但是这次我选择了在我自己的家乡半工半读。那时我脑海里突然出现了一个想法，我是否能够同时兼顾这么多东西？要是我在那个时候跌倒了，我是否有勇气再站起来；还是我到最后会选择了放弃？我自己到现在都还没有答案！

我感到最烦的是我既然到今天还不会开车。虽然我最近重新开始学驾车， 但是我偏偏就还没有掌握到驾车的技巧。我会感到很烦恼是因为我每一次出去都需要依靠家人或朋友来载我。我时常在想要是我自己会驾车，那我不管要跟朋友出去，去教堂活动或去工作我就会方便很多。我希望我在来临的一个月能够掌握那些技巧。最后，我想我现在唯一能够做的事就是透过祈祷把这一切都交给天主；我相信他会帮我做出最佳的选择。

CHOICE

Choice - This was a special word for me during this week. This is because I found out that our life was full of choice especially for me in this week. The reasons I think like this are due to this week I formally rejected by her. She has chosen a guy who is also my close friend in church. At the time I knew, I really feel unhappy at first but after I cool down and think about it I think she might do the right choice. This is because I know that my friend will be good to her, protect her and like her as much as his can while I might not able as him. I found out I always put church activities as my first choice besides my job. After that, I really start feel happy for her and wish her and my friend will be happy always. However, I have met one problem which I need to do my choice.  The problem is shall I continue to like her or I shall forget her as soon as possible. My heart told me that I won’t forget her so fast because in my heart she really is a good girl. 

The second reason is about whether to tell the truth. In the legion mary that I have join, one’s of the brother has not attend the weekly meeting and all the activities for more than 2 months. I has received a call from his grandmother in Thursday, she has ask me whether her grandson got attend the legion mary meeting and activities. At that time, I plan to tell her the truth but I found out that the brother has lies to his grandmother that he had attend the Sunday mass and legion mary meeting every weekend. During the talks with his grandmother, I also found out that his grandmother really feel worry to her grandson. She afraid his grandson will become bad. At that time, I really don’t know whether I should tell her about it or not because if I tell her about it she will angry and she might hit her grandson and I can guarantee that the brother will not come to church and join legion mary again. If I not tell her the truth, if the brother really become bad I can’t responsible for it and I might destroy the brother future. At the end, I have choose to tell the grandmother that he has not come to legion mary for 2 months and I don’t see him in Sunday mass within this period.

Lastly, is the choice of my future. Shall I continue my study to professional level? I really don’t know whether shall I register for CPA and sit for the exam or not in the coming semester. Until today, I still can’t take decision because I afraid after I register for it I don’t have enough time to study as most of the time I spend it in my church activity and job.  Anyway, I hope that I able do the right choice no matter in my relationship, church and personal problems with the help of the GOD.

Sharing

Last weekend, I have joined a conference organized by Sibu Chinese Legion Mary. The conference was organized at Dalat, Sarawak and I was ones of the organizing committee. At first, I would like to joins the organizing committee due to the invitation of chairperson. For me, this conference just likes the conference that I have organized before when I study at Swinburne Sarawak. The reason I have feeling like mainly due to I was the quartermaster for the conference. By truth, I really don’t understand why I always have the fate with the quartermaster post for most of the events that I have organized.

During the process of organizing this conference, I started feel disappointed with the organizing team.  This is because I feel most of them did not really put their heart in organizing this conference. Some of the organizers never attend the meetings or do their tasks that assigned by the chairpersons. They only started to do their tasks when the conference is near at the corner.  

Four days before the conference start, I have been assigned by my manager to work at outstation. During the few days at outstation, I really feel worry for them because until that time we still have a lot of tasks need to do. As an example: our conference booklet still in progress, the participants name list still to be confirmed and many others. The thing that makes me feel very angry is when I come back to Sibu, I notice that they did not prepare anything for the welcoming dinner even though they have done most of the things.

However, I have started change my point of view to them during the conference. I really feel surprised when I saw most of them become very serious when the conference was held. They really worked very hard and some of them really scarify their sleeping time just for preparing next day activities.  At that time, I have understood that everything’s is arranged by God. We will never know what God has arranged for us. 

Besides this, through this conference I also found back the fire in my heart. In this conference, I found out that I still love to become altar servers. I have left the guild since 2 years ago and I have rejected my guild president and his committee for going back to guild in this few months. I still remember in this few months I have find a lot of reasons to reject them. However, when I attend the mass in the conference, all the feeling has suddenly coming back and I suddenly feel like want to become altar server again. Furthermore, I also have found back the things that I have learned when I become committee in CPA Australia Student Charter in Swinburne Sarawak.

Lastly, I found out that I have found the girl that I have like in this conference. At first, I just admire her because she has a sweet smile, helpful heart and the most important is she is a good girl for me. Now, I have planned to pursue her because I think she is the girl that I want it in my heart and I hope that I will success to pursue her because she is the first girl that able to make me take action.